A question as old as time itself: Do you actively pursue a dream or does your dream recognize you and come to you?
I’ve had a dream for as long as I can remember. It has changed as I have grown–as a child I wanted to be an actor so I could be anything I wanted over and over again. In the middle of teen angst–a veterinarian. When I started college I wanted to be a marine biologist. To that end I worked at the Cabrillo Marine Museum in San Pedro, California and enjoyed it very much, but felt anxious–perhaps there was greener grass elsewhere. When I was a 19yo undergrad student studying biology my nephew was born. My sister used drugs and alcohol during pregnancy and my nephew (Ernie) was born with many health problems. He was not expected to survive, but at 3 months was doing well enough to go home or to a home. My sister was unable to handle the situation, but even at 19 I knew I could and while no one forced me or even asked me I could not imagine never seeing this child again…so I became a mom at 19. I have never regretted my decision, but it did throw a monkey wrench in my dream and the plans I made to get there. Looking back at this now, thanks to this discussion, I realized although it was a dream, it was not The Dream.
Since Ernie had lots of health problems I spent a lot of time in hospitals and despite the serious of the environment, there was something to it that I liked. It had a liveliness and purpose that I also feel in airports. I also educated myself in medicine so I could be a better advocate for Ernie. These two things led to a career in medicine. I thrived in this environment and lived a dream or the first of several dreams? However, I had dreamed of a graduate education in sciences and with my career in medicine I focused in that direction. New obstacle: Ernie requires a lot of time and care…what to do? Give up the dream of grad school–hell no! Become patient, stay focused on the dream and work towards it. It took 15 years before I could manage to return to school.
A MS in Biostatistics and I achieved my goal of grad school, but I was not happy. Much thought and soul searching led me to a MEd in Secondary Education and to teaching high school math and science. For the first time in a long time I am happy being what I am. No feelings of anxiousness, no thoughts of greener grass. My lifetime of competitiveness, the compulsion to be the best, of never feeling settled or sure of what I was doing was finally gone. Don’t misunderstand me I take my job seriously and challenge myself to always be a better teacher, but it is not work to me anymore. I do it because it is just a part of me, like breathing.
So I agree with both sides in this discussion: you must go after The Dream and when The Dream of all the dreams appears, it comes to you. There are a couple of important lessons I have learned during this life process: (1) never give up your dream. Even if you have not figured out what your dream is and are working on one of your dreams--or even a goal--, always keep it in focus. Life may force you to take a different path to your dream than the one you’ve mapped out, but be flexible and keep your focus on what you want. (2) Knowing what The Dream is may not be a straightforward or easy thing. Allow yourself permission to make a mistake. Then regroup and get back on track to following what you believe you should be doing. (3) Be honest with yourself about what you want. Is your dream yours or is it someone else’s dream for you?
I found that I enjoyed helping people and my dream, The Dream was/is to have an impact on someone’s life…LOL, in a good way. I am doing that now as a high school teacher, but what I did not realize until today after reading these comments and Unmasked’s post… I have been living my dream every day since the day I took Ernie home from the hospital.
No comments:
Post a Comment